Now that I'm an adult, all I can think of is how the song talks about "I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys-r-us kid". The I don't want to grow up part is so true. Referring to myself as an 'adult' sounds natural, but I referred to myself as a 'woman' for the first time the other day. In my head I still think of myself as a 'girl'. Do 'adult' and 'woman' come together, or is there even a difference. When I said 'woman' out loud it sounded strange.
I have worked at the same job since i was 15, have been in school since I was 5, so what has changed besides my age. I feel like I have always been mature, even when when I was 12, I was much more mature than most 'kids' my age. So have I been a woman all these years and never knew it?
Growing up is hard. I'm only 23 and I'm trying to map out the rest of my future already. I must pick what I want to do with my career by picking a major. I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but I start to doubt if I can compete in the artistic world. And what if in 20 years I don't want to do art anymore? I don't want to start college all over again and pick a new major at the age of 40 or 50!
I look at all of the people I went to high school with, and the majority of them are married and are having children. Seth and I have been together for 7 and a half years, and even though we know we love each other and have no intentions on being apart, that does not mean that we have to get married. We will some day, just not now. People always ask us "what are you waiting for?" and to be honest I don't know what we are waiting for, we are just waiting for whatever 'it' is.
I have barely been able to call myself a 'woman', I can't even imagine being 'wife' or 'mommy'. Maybe I feel safe with with my job, because I have known it for so long, and that's what discouraging me from my major. And maybe the same with being a girlfriend and not wife. I want to be someday, but I still feel like a 'girl'.
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4 comments:
I find it intersting to read your post today. As you transition from a girl to woman, I feel I am transitioning into a young woman to a middle aged woman. Instead of being the youngest in the group, I have become the "seasoned" one. Is it bad? Honestly,it isn't. You begin to realize the wonderful person you have become as a mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. Your feel proud of you accomplishments.
It is strange to make the transition and when you are ready to make the next moves, it will feel right. I admire that you are listening to your own time schedule and moving ahead with what feels right for you. Love you, Aunt Cathy
Take your time Jess! There is no rush to get married, have kids or even pick a major. What to major in will come to you and so will the rest.... in time. Don't be afraid to pick something you might outgrow in 20 years, because honestly you are going to change so much over the next 20 years that you might outgrow it or just expand on it.
It does sound funny when you move into the next "label". I always HATED being called Mrs. Kirker. That was Steve's mom, not me! I was still Sherry and I always told anyone who called me Mrs. Kirker to please call me Sherry.
It'll all come to you and in the meantime just enjoy your life!!
Aunt Sherry
As you put it to me I may be older than you but I am no adult. I think that was a compliment. Although I am a woman which has suddenly become a mam I still very much am young at heart and I like having fun. There are times to be serious in your life and I think that you are doing a wonderful job. I know that you often get stressed about all the things you have to do and you often find that you are losing yourself. Things will fall into place when they are ready. You and Seth love each other and that is what matters the most. You are very artistic and I know that my imagination has passed on to you (scary isn't it). I am often jealous of how wonderful you have turned out and all the things you can do, I think when I grow up I want to be just like you. Trust me you are not old because I am not old. As you get closer to your graduation you will so much better and will be so glad that you went on this adventure. You can have it all and it will happen when it is time. For know I am proud of you and I love you. I know you will never truly grow up because you are my daughter.
I need some more news from the "TOYS R US KID". Where did she go?
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